Thursday, December 6, 2012

Bye-Bye Mama Milk


It’s been twelve days since my Poppet last nursed. I think it’s safe to say she’s weaned.
In the end it wasn’t as hard as I’d expected. With her cot in the kids' new room she’s had the choice of sleeping in her new room and nursing to sleep, or sleeping in our room without milk, and she’s chosen to sleep with us. When the milk truly goes away I’ll work on getting her into her own bed.
And so… it just happened. No tears, or only mine, no fuss.
That’s both my babies weaned – the baby years pretty much officially over. They’re kids now, playful, exuberant, imaginative, hilarious, curious, but no more my little babies.  (Although of course always my little babies, just not my baby babies)
And I’m so grateful I’ve had these lovely years, so glad that nursing was easy for me, and that it allowed me so much freedom.
I’m so grateful for the memories of my little ones busily guzzling, for their looks of blissful, milk-drunk fullness, for the memories of them holding hands as they both nursed when my Poppet was a baby and my Sprocket a toddler.  All those long hours that the Sprocket sleep-fed and I dreamily read. All those beautiful midnight feeds with my Poppet when it was just her and me and I had her all to myself, to admire her beautiful hands, the line of her cheek.
I’m grateful that nursing allowed me to eat gutsily without qualms, although that’s already come back to haunt me in the last few months as the Poppet’s feeds have trailed off… and the weight has quickly piled on.
If I’m a little teary I’m blaming it on the last wild goodbye party of the milk-hormones as they prepare to kick off after having full run of the joint since the Sprocket was born. They seem to party hard.
And I am grateful, I am. 
But I don’t know if we’ll have another baby. I don’t know if Poppet’s the last baby I’ll ever giggle at as they greedily suck, I don’t know if she’s the last baby who will curl her hand around my fingers as she feeds. Who’ll look up at me and smile.
So I'm grateful I’ve had these years. And I’m grateful they’re over and my brain will (hopefully) continue it’s long march back from the Land of Milk-and-Fuzz.
I'm joining with the wonderful Maxabella at 52 Weeks of Grateful at Village Voices today. 
But I have to admit, it’s a bitter sweet kind of grateful. 


11 comments:

  1. Oh, that's such a 'big moment'... bittersweet is the perfect word for it. It's like 'freeeeedom' and sadness all rolled into one.

    Lots more bonding to come, of course. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It seems such a moment on the cusp - I'm so glad they're growing up (and I get myself back a bit!) but... my babies! Thanks for stopping by!

      Delete
  2. this is gorgeously written. i understand the end of an era feeling. if your brain happens to see mine on it's way back, can it give mine a kick in the bum? i'm starting to miss it! have a sweet day :)sarah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've read all the studies saying baby brain doesn't exist - and I so don't believe them! I KNOW my brain went strolling off to somewhere far, far away!

      Delete
  3. Oh feeling this too right now. My little one is down to one breastfeed, just the morning. It happened so all of a sudden... and suddenly (and emotionally) I'm realising that she's becoming a baby no more. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's such an emotional time.. I'm blaming it on the hormones, but seeing our little ones growing up and becoming so independent (and wonderful) but not our little babies is hard! Poppet was down to a night feed and a morning feed for a couple of months but she'd begun skipping some so I did know it was time. But... (Sniffle!)

      Delete
  4. A bittersweet moment x
    I loved bfing my baby, but I was so relieved to stop too. It was very confusing! I had lots of difficulty feeding her, as I'm sure many do. Hopefully the second time around will be easier.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are a lot of things I'm relieved about... I'm so looking forward to that second glass of wine, fitting my clothes again, no more little accidental teeth or 'priming'!
      Congratulations of persevering when it was hard. And each baby is so different I'm sure it will be easier the second time. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

      Delete